Summary
Start with Heart – stay focused on what you really want
Learn to look – notice when safety is at risk
Make things safe
Master your stories – how to stay in dialogue when you’re angry, scared, or hurt
State your path
STATE
S - Share your facts
T - Tell your story
A - Ask for others paths
T - Talk tentatively
E - Encourage testing
Share your facts
- facts are general not controversial.
- facts are more persuasive than subjective conclusions.
- facts for the foundation of belief.
- facts are the least insulting.
Tell your story
- facts alone are rarely worth mentioning without a conclusion.
- it takes confidence to share your story, be honest.
- when sharing your story look for safety problems.
- use contrasting.
- do not apologize for your views
Ask for others paths
- encourage them to express their facts, stories, and feelings.
- carefully listen to what the other person has to say.
- be willing to abandon or reshapre your story as more information pours into the pool of shared meaning
Talk tentatively
- tell your story as a story rather than disguising it as a fact.
- strike a balance between confidence and humility.
Examples of talking tentatively
“In my opinion … “
“Perhaps you were unaware … “
“Is that what is going on here, or am I jumping to conclusions …”
Encourage testing
- invite opposing views.
- mean your invitation when you invite opposing views.
- if you don’t get opposing views play’s devil’s advocate.
Contrasting
Examples of Softening
“I’m beginning to wonder if … “
Explore others’ paths
Move to action
